Time to chill out

Recently, I've been pretty stressed up with clearing my stock, building my networking business, family issues, children's school that I realised I've been pretty harsh on the kids. Motherhood is not a easy path to take. Recently, I've been missing my youth.. wishing time could bring me back 10 years. To the time when we could go out when we want to, come back as late as we wish to, do whatever we wanted to, without having to worry about the kids - school, dinner, bedtime. There's more to that side of me which I shall not touch on for now.

So this week, I decided that I shall pick my 2nd boy from school, let him have some time with nature, before picking up the eldest from P1. On Monday, we stopped by a field, just beside our house. It's just a wide empty field. I let the Deshawn and Deshann run while I pack some stocks at the back of my Jazzy. They were wary of the grass. I'm thinking, oh no. So I showed them the 'touch-me-nots'. They were fascinated by it. Wanted to show Deshane how they close. We ran across the field to the riverside. They are doing some works at the river which is soon to be a reservoir. We looked at the cranes, the big barges closeup. Then we played catching. As we head back to car, Deshawn asked for more. He enjoyed the simple time we had.

Tuesday... Deshann was sleeping in the car seat. So we had to stop somewhere where we could let him sleep in the car, while we take a breather. I parked by a mini-park with a jogging track, cemented 'open' area, and a playground. That is as close to nature as we can get in Singapore. I ended up on the mini grass patch beside Jazzy. Deshawn was worried about sitting on the grass. It felt 'pokey'. He said it's dirty. Gesh! We used to run, roll, play on the grass and how much we loved it! A primary school teacher friend once told me she had students who refused to sit on the grass during PE lessons. Mind you, it's grass, not dirt! I let Deshawn sit on my lap and slowly transitioned him onto the grass. He got used to it. He used to play with the sand till his whole milk beaker was sandy! My, how fast they get 'concreted'. Nature is still best eh? It's absolutely fine to eat some dirt! Will give your immune system a boost!

Thursday... 'forced' Deshawn to sit on the grass if he wants to eat ice-cream, while waiting for kor-kor to be out. Deshann (just turned 2) refused to sit on the grass... pokey... he says...

I wonder... while we sit on the grass, play on it. What do people walking on the jogging path think? What will you think?

Anger? Is it necessary?

I watch in amusement as the little girl pouts and stomps her way around the playground. She was so filled with anger, but what got her angry in the first place, was a mystery to me. Her anger further amuses a group of boys, who continue to taunt her by imitating her every move, and making her more angry. They were so amused by her anger. This mix of emotions, anger and amusement continues to escalate as they shadowed her around the playground.

The maid of the angry child noticed the harassment and feelings of the child but just brushed it off and told her to stop it. She was also busy watching over a younger toddler and at the same time trying to communicate with some other maids at the playground.

I pitied the little girl and told the boys that what they were doing is not nice. I did not totally blame the boys for doing that. I think most kids do not know how to feel for others, the amusement they got overshadowed empathy. Ironically, they chose happiness over anger.

My two elder boys were observing the children. Was I glad that they were not joining in the taunting! They were just watching the scene being played out, in real life. 'Pang guan ze qing' = Outsiders see a clearer picture. That gave me a good lesson to teach them. I always tell them to choose happiness. Teach them that they are the ones in charge of how they feel, always trying to encourage them to make right choices.

Firstly, the girl chose anger. She chose to be angry when she reached the playground. Instead she could always choose happiness, choose to enjoy herself while at the playground although there were other children around. When the boys started to imitate her, she chose to be more angry. She could ignore them? But yet she chose to let their actions increase the anger.

In fact, I pity the girl. Her anger was ignored. Her parents were not there to teach her to choose happiness. The maid brushed off her feelings as she had to look after a younger child. Was the angry girl jealous of the attention her sibling is getting? Was she angry over having no time spent with her parents? Was she angry that her feelings were ignored? Or was she just an angry person? Should she then be taught anger management? Maybe just more attention and love shown to her would make a difference?

This is also the main reason why I would want to be the main caregiver to my children, especially in their early childhood. I can feel and understand how they feel, or at least try to understand them. I want to be there to tell them and remind them to make right choices. I want to be there to protect them. I want to know what they go through. That is what a mother is. Being there for the children as much as possible. And I am glad that I spent the time with my kids.

Sand... hate it? or love it?

Sand... it can be so irksome, irritating to the feet, dirty, such that you never want your little feet to touch it, curling it up, avoiding it at all costs! But all that feelings can be changed into pure love for it in that one moment, that one special moment where all hatred is turned into love.

Deshann finally realised the wonderful world of sand! He had always hated it, never wanting to have anything to do with it. Brought him to the beach twice and he just refused to be put down, clinging onto you for his dear life, as if the sandy beach will just swallow him up.

Went to Shore Restaurant for yet another birthday dinner for Eunice and Robin (haha.. this is the 3rd birthday dinner for them!) Shore Restaurant is a beautiful laidback place. You eat on the beach! Yes, tables are set up on the beach and the wonderful sea breeze... really nice place to chill out... :) And there is a big playground just beside it! The kids had a whirl of a time expending all their energy there after dinner.

Little Deshann had a 'whee'-ing good time on the infant swing, as did Deshawn, Andrea and Ariel. Asking to be swung higher, enjoying the thrill of flight. Still cautious to the sandy playground, Deshann felt 'safe' in the swing as he was thoroughly enjoying himself, so much so that when he was placed on the ground, he forget about his 'enemy'. His cheeky self just all of a sudden felt the sand, and for once, he did not wince about it. He did not ask to be carried. Instead, he felt the sand and loved it! Was walking around on it, kicking it, soon running on it, then scooping it up with his crocs, pouring it, raining it down and just relishing the sandy touch on his little feet. Exploring the texture of sand. Loving it so much that he did not want to leave the sandpit when it's time to go.

Maybe it's the stage of growing, the time when you just want to test your limits, try everything! Haha! We can now pack our beach toys and head for East Coast Park again!

I always tell my kids, "Try it. You won't know if you like it or not till you try it!" And I observe that the older they are, the least likely of them trying new things. Just as the older we get, the lower the possibility of us doing something way out of the norm. So sometimes we got to be childlike, be more adventurous and venture out of the comfort zone. Enrich your kids life by letting them try as many things as possible. Expose them, enrich them, explore life.

Breastfeeding

I've done it for all 3 boys. And I do not hide while doing it. No, I'm not going to restrict myself to a nursing room or dressing room for that 20 mins. I shop and feed, I eat and feed, I people-watch and feed, I even hike and feed. And no, I do not expose my breast, I just do it. I have people coming to me while I'm breast-feeding and they think that baby is sleeping. Only when I mention that I'm breastfeeding do they realise that, turn red and excuse themselves.

Reading Baby's Room = Diaper Change Room = Nursing Room = Family Room = Not Breastfeeding Room? and the comments posted, I think we have to learn to be more considerate. We are all mothers, and we understand what it's like to be one. I think the lady wanting to change the diaper can just ask if we can share the room. The writer, Linda Koh, can just offer to share the room. It seems that Linda's husband is telling them that the room is used and cannot be shared. If we are more tolerant, more considerate, I think life would be more pleasant. Sometimes, it just makes someone's day to see a smile, so smile, laugh, it'll make you happier too.

Abuse of maid

Some actions of Singaporeans are really to be laughed at. It's totally ridiculous and a great big joke. 'Jailed and fined for drawing on maid's face'

I never understand how one can pour scalding water on someone, use a hot iron to burn someone. These despicable acts are from people from respectable jobs. Few weeks ago, another couple, an aircraft engineer and air stewardess, were sent to jail for ill-treating their maid. As I read the headline today, I was laughing my guts out. What a childish thing to do! Drawing lines on your maid's face? My goodness!! Would you draw lines on your child's face if he/she does not close the door properly?

A maid is not a slave. You do not own her, so you treat her with respect. Well, unless you want your children to treat you such when you are old and 'useless'.

I can't imagine what she is going to tell her children when she is in jail for that 3 weeks. 'Oh, I'm going on holiday.' hahaha... if her kids were older, maybe they will just pick up the newspaper and read the news? Boasting in school, 'My mum is in jail for drawing lines on my maid's face!!'

I do not have a maid, I avoid having one. I'm lucky I'm a SAHM. I want my kids to be independent. I want my kids to clean up after themselves. If you have a maid, think about what you want your kids to become. What if you have to send your maid back? How will the household be ran? Be appreciative to the help you receive from your maid. And maybe she'll be more appreciative to you. In the days of early Singapore, nannies or ah-mas take care of the house. They are treated like family, so why can't we do so now? Is affluence authority for you to act like beasts? Remember the golden rule, 'Treat others the way you want them to treat you'.

Mindchamps...

Was at a book fair 2 weeks ago and signed up for this talk about Mindchamps (http://www.mindchamps.org/) Been seeing its ads in the papers so curiosity and wanting the best for our kids led us to attend the talk. A 3 hour talk and almost $3000 (paid by instalments) later.. we walked out hoping that it will empower our eldest son in his education when he starts primary sch and attends 7 months at Mindchamps.

Why did we sign up? I think this is effective.. It teaches the kid effective ways of learning. And not only that, they are to learn the champion mindset. Being positive, dreaming castles, aiming high. The power of the subconscious mind is largely untapped. Knowing how to use your whole brain will greatly empower you to remember more.

How effective is it? Demonstrations were shown, it is impressive, but I feel that is only the learning part of it, helping you to remember facts. But I think the real effectiveness of this course is not just helping memory, it is the mindset. Learning to be positive. We'll see how it works, when Deshane starts this next year.

Bedwetting

After tireless nights and days and years of bedwetting, suddenly I decided to do a search on bedwetting on the internet. Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedwetting) tells me that bedwetting is involuntary. Before you think it is me, no, it is my 2 elder boys aged 4.5 and 6 years.

Yes, I've tried many ideas, clearing bladder before bed, waking them up after about 2 hours of sleep, limiting liquids just before bedtime. None of this seems to work, put them on diapers, then off diapers when I'm out of them, only to have the toilet full of hanging shorts/pants and a smelly bedroom. Then back to diapers, even caning them, doesn't help. So now, I finally have come to terms with it, it is involuntary and until their body is ready to be toilet-trained at night... there seems to be nothing I can do about it.

I think I might try the bedwetting alarm. I really hope it works. I'm sick of the idea of putting on diapers for my big boys.

But one thing really pisses me off. They pee, ok, it's involuntary, but can't they feel that they are wet? They can go on sleeping in their wet warm pee, until it is dry in the morning! gesh! boys...